Mother's Day

Sigh. Another Saturday afternoon, the one before Mother's Day, and I still haven't gotten anything for the significant women in my life. What can I do? What can I get that will let them know what I truly feel and care for them.
I just returned from the grocery store, where millions (okay, not millions but thousands or maybe even just hundreds) of desperate shoppers were viciously attacking the front floral display, grabbing at anything that came up, looking for a price tag (Okay, so it was more like 20 or 30, but over time it could get up to the millions). Looking in their wallets, they'd either keep what they grabbed or toss it back into the sea of items that they could get for their "moms." As I stood in the line at the check-out, I pondered back to the good old days. Ah, the good old days.
Flashback -- The Good Old Days. Occasionally I had to work on Sundays. And of all the Sundays I had to work, Mother's Day was my favorite. I was in charge of all the plants and flowers. Mother's Day was my day to get back at all the cheap Valentines Day misers who bought chocolate and other things. Not everyone has a Valentine, so usually I was stuck with thousands of dollars worth of flowers that in desperation, were marked half price, then 1/2 price again, until we were basically giving someone flowers just for coming in. Who wants Valentine flowers on the 15th of February. So, here it is, Mother's Day, and EVERYONE has a mother, and nothing gets marked down. The doors would open, and in would come the patsies, er, esteemed customers. They'd circle the display like great white sharks, even nipping at each other in the "feeding frenzy" they created at my display. Ah yes. Today would be the day that I made some money off of my flowers. Nothing would be marked down, and everything would be sold.
Now, you have to understand the human psyche and the shoppers who come in on Mother's Day. Most of them, you could tell, had just lied to their mom/spouse/girlfriend/significant other by telling them, "Ah yes, I have your gift. It's right outside here..., in the garage..., SCREEEEECH!!!!!" Now they had that look of fear. That look of desparation, like any burglar caught with his hand in the cookie jar. They had to come up with something to get them out of hot water. These people would buy a broken stem of chrysanthemum to prove that they did indeed remember this holiday. They had taken great lengths to ponder what great gift they'd get for their "mom(s)."

Back to the Future
I noticed an acquaintance of mine at the lobby display. He picked out something, a vase, and a bunch of flowers. He then disappeared into the store. Minutes later (I must have the worst luck when it comes to shopping, as every lane I get in seems to start slowing down. I happened to be in the "New Checker" lane), he reappeared with 2 poster boards and some candy and got in line a couple of people behind me.
"Whatcha doin'?" I asked.
"Making a card for my mom."
"Don't remind me. I still need to get something for my wife, and for my kids to give her."
"You'd better hurry up. Things are going fast over there."
"That's a pretty cool vase you have there," I added, admiring at the glass with streaks of white marbled in it.
"It should be, for $17 dollars," he said as he showed me the price tag.
"17.99," I thought as I looked at it (for some reason, retailers just can't bring themselves to put that extra penny's worth on an item, so we know that we are getting a REAL BARGAIN).
I made my purchase of items and on the way out, decided to check on some of the items in the lobby. "$20 for a mini rose?!!! Okay, actually it was $19.99, but who's counting. For $15.00 (er, $14.99) I could buy a patened Grade 1 rose from a nursery, with blossoms on it. For $19.99, someone from the nursery would even install it for me. I picked up a painted basket with a plant in it. "How much do they want for this?" I wondered as I looked for the price tag. "Made in China." Hmmm... I wondered if some child laborer had made this pastel basket, thinking about his mom, only to have it taken from him and sold to some free-market American company at 97% of what it cost to make and pay the kid to paint it, who'd then turn around and sell (or attempt to sell) it to the general public for 97% more.
What happened to the good old $6.99 mini-roses I had sold a few years ago? Prices have gone up, and the quality is not even the same, or the variety. Imagine what a stem of chrysanthemum would go for these days. And the average chrysanthemum has 20-30 stems, at $1.00 a stem, that's $20-30 (give or take 20-30 cents if you give them the $0.01 discount). Hey, maybe I'm on to something here.
Do you remember the "Even Better" old days when your mother was happy to get a piece of paper with your hand traced on it, and your name, age, and something like, "I love you," scribbled in crayon? Is there a magic age when that doesn't work anymore. I hate to think that my mother would be so materialistic that she could be bought off with some flowers, and/or candy. So, I decided to make a list of things that you, the general reader, can do to make your mom or wife know that she is appreciated. Now most of these reflect on your mom, not your wife, but it IS Mother's Day, not Wife's Day.
1.) Stand when your mother, wife or any lady enters a room. Okay, it sounds a bit old fashioned, but it really scores some points with those who notice you doing it.
2.) DON'T buy candy. For some reason, women feel that they are 20 pounds heavier than they are, and candy just adds to the problem. Besides, I think I buy my wife candy more because I want it, rather than she wants it. And of course I end up eating more of it than she does. Luckily, I have children whom I can blame if she discovers that she hasn't had her quota of the gift.
3.) Straighten up and fly right. Nothing tells people more about your mother than the way you act and treat others. Your character (along with number 1) reflects your mother's training in your life.
4.) Handmade gifts still out class anything you can purchase.
5.) Call and write more than just once a year, at Mother's Day. Okay, I need to work on this one, but until then, Mom, no news is good news.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you "Moms" out there.